Synopsis: An old-fashioned melodrama with a fast, contemporary flair. The Salami Opera Company is about to fall apart in the dusty hamlet of Desert Rat in the Arizona Territory. And that foul villain, Baron Wolfgang von Wolfpack, knows that the prima donna, Alma Pumpernickle, is about to inherit a fortune in gold mines. He'd force her to marry him at once except that she has no title, and the family pride prevents him from marrying a commoner. To solve his dilemma, he enlists the aid of a notorious confidence woman, Lily Liverspot. It is she who discovers that the young nobleman, Count Onitt, is living incognito as Billy Bright, a composer so poor he cannot afford a piano, so he hums. Lily, through shady means, schemes to have the young people married so Alma will have a title. After an annulment, Wolfpack will be able to marry her and claim her unsuspected wealth. Lily arranges a hilarious marriage, but before Wolfpack can claim his prize, he must reckon with the outrageous Madame Violetta (whose operatic performance "must be heard to be depreciated"). The action climaxes with a performance of Billy's opera, "Il Pistachio."