I have a theory about Road House. I think it must have started out as two movies. In one, an honorable lawman rolls into a corrupt town and cleans up the place, Walking Tall style; in the other, a pacifist kung fu monk is forced to use violence to protect those he cares about. And then the writer, faced with two incomplete and incoherent movies, just smashed them together. How else to explain Road House, a movie that posits the existence of at least two world-famous itinerant bouncers? A movie that gives us lines like “pain don’t hurt”? Without Patrick Swayze playing this role with unwinking seriousness, Road House would just be a boring mess. As it is, it’s an incredibly entertaining mess that you can’t look away from.